Porn is love you can see.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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