i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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