You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
