nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
