we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
