A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
