Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
