I wanna passion pit in your ass
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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