I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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