I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
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I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
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I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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