Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
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