and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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