You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
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her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
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Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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