Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You ate ashes out of my bong
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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