new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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