So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
