Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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