i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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