i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
