Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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