I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
