I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
