Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
