I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
