i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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