Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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