One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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