Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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