Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i believe in u and ur pee
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
