You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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