Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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