this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
two words: eviction party
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
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You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
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she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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