Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
