i just wanna soil my oats bro
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Drunk is not a location!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
