Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
