I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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