I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
