Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
