I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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