4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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