he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
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Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
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Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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