but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
