The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
