If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
