hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
