You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
