we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I need moral support for this bender
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
