Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
