I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
