So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
