our cab driver is having phone sex.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
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