Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
