bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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