He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
