My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
