I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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