I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
