no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
