you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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