Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
