the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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