if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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