I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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