Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
